Lonely Lie

“Someone thinks you’re beautiful.”

I’ve never heard a bigger lie. I’m hideous from all angles, inside and out. Impossible to love, therefore impossible to fall in love. Even if something malfunctioned and you briefly thought so from afar, a step closer and everything becomes so clear.

She’s ugly. Hideous. Disgusting. Repulsive. Can’t look too long or your eyes will fall out.

I’ve given up already. What’s hope when there’s no chance of a relationship longer than a brief thought? On my own, by choice or by force. What does that matter now?

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Lonely Lie

Mind, Full

It doesn’t really matter if I’m here or not, right? It’s not like I cross your mind. “She would like this,” “she might need something like this” nothing like that. Here or not, I’m pretty invisible, right? “A hole in your heart,” how laughable. Oh well I’m a failure, ugly, stupid, useless. Even if I disappear, nothing will change. No close friends, no loved ones. Just slowly fade away and give up, how nice.

Mind, Full

The Rinse Cycle

Teardrops on porcelain,
We go through extreme fading.
This time in the suds are
Washing away my feelings.
Twisted with fear, I shiver.
It’s just like the first time.
Rinse away the unnecessary
And losing the words to say,
You run through the bath drain
As if I washed you away.
Slow breathing and I confess
To four whitewashed walls.
Hiding under the surface,
I hope reality will never reach.
Dear, the ocean took you away,
So if I try a little harder and
Hold my breath a little longer
Will the secret I couldn’t tell
Spill into you heart just as
It consumes my mind?
You were everything to me.

Rikki [not romance]

The Rinse Cycle

Confidence & Compliance

Shut-eye angel,
They’re cutting you to pieces.
Your innocence is intoxicating,
I’m about to inhale and
It’s corrupting my veins.
Screaming, we dive into
The deepest parts of
Our forbidden, foreign affairs.
This is a deep, dark secret
That I’m too bad at keeping.
Cue for the set to change
As we leap into the future.
Will our paths remain tied like
Your fingers grasping at mine?
It isn’t the lie that you hate,
But the bad liar that often
Spouts words you don’t believe.
So, fib a little more
And see how far we go.

You looked so much prettier
Through the ink in my notebook.
Clean yourself up, baby.
This is about to get a bit dirty.
A drop of sweat runs from
The small of your back
And I’m hypnotized again.
Oh, love, it can’t get better
When your always looking
Like such a lonely, little girl.
I told you I would absorb
Every sorrow that plagues you,
Yet you faked a small smile
As if I couldn’t understand.
Shedding the coward inside,
I attempt to ease your pain.
Still you press a cherry pink kiss
Upon my stumbling lips
And place my fumbling fingers
Upon your tantalizing hips.
Again I accept this compromise,
While hoping to offer
A bit more comfort than
The last times we bared our sins.

Rikki [not romance]

Confidence & Compliance

Inspiration For A 7AM Dose Of Fantasy

Still morning air
like our long awkward silence;
we breathe it in like poison.
I’m blinded by the dawn light
refracted by your glass wings.
The universe shrinks to you and me;
our sweet whispers of romantic nothings
silence the songs of the birds.
This night after feeling is swept along
with our passionate insomnia;
I’ll sing you whatever you want to hear.
Streetlights fade away as they are replaced
with the rays we breathe in,
connected by these rays, I’m melting into you.
AM ride on an airplane, they graze across our sky
like my fingers dancing across your blushing cheeks.
This light may burn my eyes,
but I will stare at it forever.
Burn me like love bites on soft skin as all is purified;
I’m not an angel, baby, but I will fly you to heaven.
You stand before me
wearing only the morning light
and I will never regret our sins of love and passion.
The world awakes and we dive back
into our alternate reality as
your silent footsteps across the carpet are deafening.
As the door shuts, the sound resonates
throughout this broken bed top paradise.
Your tear stains on the pillowcase are
covered by the sweet and sorrowful ink of my pen.
I lie across the warmth you left behind.
We were never morning people after all.

I guess I really am bad at happy endings. The house is silent; everyone is still sleeping and I have yet to close my eyes for longer than a blink, just long enough to remember you.

Rikki [not romance]

Inspiration For A 7AM Dose Of Fantasy

Flip The Coin And Call It Coincedence

I am your dead weight. Woven words of lust trail past your collarbone. We are sultry and mysterious; don’t get involved because we just may tear you apart. Replace those sobs of misery with a smirk that frightens the mirror. Fire away, light up the sky with your electric guitar riffs. Those lyrics wash over you like your first kiss, clumsy and innocent. Speakers of steel, I’m a warrior, baby, and those harsh words fall upon sad-song ears. Dance the night away as your eyes feign ignorance. Breaking the walls down, we expose you to the painful light of day. It washes away the smiles you painted on and blood on your hands; you are so vulnerable, love. Would you rather have one person that can kiss away your flaws or hundreds of porcelain dolls loving your synthetic coffin that you’ve wrapped yourself in? Cherish me because I’m worthless. Hold me because I’m too naive. Kiss me because I always say the wrong thing.

“Pick the poison and pour yourself a glass.” My ears are numb from the shrieking. Your trembling kiss told a bland dream, but I will kiss you again like a bad addiction. One day you’ll never come back for more. Whiper sweet nothings like a mother to her nightmaring child. Dear, your lyrics are numbing this life that I never wanted to live. Tell me I’m a sad child; say I should simply end it all. If I keep listening, will I follow your directions like I always do? Instead of turning me down just turn me over, so I never have to see that disappointed expression again in this jaded lifetime. I’m passing in and out of my reality.

You’re getting ahead of yourself and I’m walking backwards into a freight train. I can’t let go; our bruised fingertips stick like saliva tongues on rainbow gumdrops. This headphone therapy is beginning to make these reckless sinning a little easier. music&&mayhem.

Rikki [not romance]

Flip The Coin And Call It Coincedence

Secrets Sleep On Butterfly Wings

Speak a few extra words and fold them into cranes that fly around your head like a dizzy spell. Painted white with more than a few imperfections, I’m searching for my heartbeat. Is this yours that I feel pounding in my chest? This is how we swap lives. I’m a rain drop scattered across your window as I search for a bit of your vitality. This is lacking some showmanship. This is your blanket and will cover for you always.

My abused heartbeat resonates in your throat as you consume me.

Rikki [not romance]

Secrets Sleep On Butterfly Wings