We write chain letters because we love a fake out. I’ll tell you right now, this will get to you. It’s not so hard to write some scantily clad words in deep set poetry. Like a stain, soaking into the cracks and cuts. I’ll die you blue with these words because they’ll knock the wind right out of you and spin you around for a bit. Break through the atmosphere; I could die with you. I swear. These aren’t my starry-eyed words filled with celebrity 3 million dollar touch-up artist words. Or can you even believe me?
We only speak through computer screens. Do you make love to that screen that you love so much? You would rather be with her now wouldn’t you? Everything looks so much more beautiful on her now doesn’t it? Well, I’m sorry I can’t become your computer lover, reciting these lines like a Shakespeare play, giving a bit of depth to you imagination. GO look at your cyber pornography; it’s not like they’re real. It’s not like they’ll love you half as much as I do. It’s a broken song playing in you head and you can’t get it out. Because I’m a leech; I’ll stay with you until you die. Making my web, rooting myself inside you and one day when you turn around… you’ll wish I was there, won’t you? You regret this just as I do. And I’ll be six feet under searching for your hand. I would cry, but I’m sure it would be worth dying with salty eyes. They just dry up as if nothing was ever there. Maybe that’s why their tears. You cry out your sorrows until they disappear, not even leaving a scar to remember they were there. Is that all I am to you? Will I disappear too?
I can’t breathe when I think about you. When I chlose my eyes, I see your silent movie. Because it’s not worth pretending that you’ll call me if I ever turned around. It’s not worth pretending that exchanging atom bombs gives more closure than turning to the person next to you and telling them, “I’m happy you’re alive.” It’s just not worth it, is it? Well, I’m sorry if I just wasted a bit too much of my effort again and again because of these “i love you”s in vain. I’ll apologize for it all and leave just like those tears if it’ll numb your pain. Like a shot of novacaine to the heart. I’ll numb it all away. I’m the doctor of secrets, next to the door to hell. I swear it’s confidential, so would you like to tell me about your love.
Hold nothing back, I swear. I’ll cure your wounds better than any drink. Submerge yourself in me and I’ll take care of you. Never run away.
Rikki [not romance]