Swallowing Cyanide (Without The Happiness)

I can’t breathe. This word vomit has clogged up my lungs and I’m screaming, “FUCK YOU!” Please, just be disappointed in me. Maybe if you start now, I might find an escape route in a thousands years… or two. I can’t speak. My throat is filled with my tears from being raised by a five year-old girl. Stop it. Just stop insisting. I DID THIS ALL FOR YOU. Look at me, just look and you’ll see; I’m debris. I’m ash from my paranoia burning my organs until I emmit smoke. Like a cigarette, aiming to kill. I’ll kill you with this imagination made of lethal poison. Maybe I need a lethal drug to get this all out of my system. I’ll vomit these words and phrases and sad melodies until my bones crack with malnutrition. I’m a malnutritionist, making you fade away. Spread apart my organs on the operating table, only then will you see how hard I try. How hard I cry when everything hurts so much. Just hug me and keep my bones together. My back cracks from an old soul, cursed and wretched. This is only temporary, isn’t that right? Isn’t that what they all say until you’re six feet under with nothing else to say. I can’t open my mouth. Or is it that I don’t want to? It’s painful. Excrutiating. Gives me a dose of her. Oh, in the ways you drive me crazy. I swear, it’s not love. I can’t scream anymore. I’m so tired of falling. Global warming can make up for your chill until we drown in our own misery. Farewell, I’m ready to lose myself.

Rikki [not romance]

Swallowing Cyanide (Without The Happiness)