Probe my thoughts and tell me it’s not wrong to be this way. But is it okay to be so horribly “unright”? I’m you antonym, your reason for death. Is it so wrong to wish I was the reason you cried? I want to feel something for once. I spin out smiles like Rumpelstiltskin spins out gold. The darkest of days are the brightest shade of white compared to my heart. Do you know what it’s like to be completely dead inside?
I think I’m finally okay with not being part of the little clique of anti-cliques. I’m the hypocrite that can’t change. I always wished you just accepted me. But I’m getting better. I haven’t talked to you in weeks, or does it simply feel like weeks because I’m so used to talking to you every day. I miss having someone to talk to, someone that actually would chose to be with me when they could be with someone else. But did I ever even have that? I remember all those times you ditched me for someone else. You can preach all you want about “chosing the people you spend time with”, but when no one is there for you to chose between it’s all just shit.
Would you be my best friend? Could we talk on the phone just about nothings? I need someone to hear my secrets. Will you laugh with me? Just talk to me, make me feel alive! I’m sorry, I’m sorry for being a bitch. I’m sorry for always ignoring you. “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” But I won’t learn, I know I won’t. I never do. And I wish I could find my soulmate, the one that will finally stay when I ask them to leave. I think that’s what I’m looking for. I keep testing these people, hoping they’ll pick me and stay. I should’ve learned by now, no one will ever pick me. I should settle for whoever wants me. Please. Will you take this rotting heart, kiss it better, and make everything okay again?
I like it when you smile. You’re the most beautiful person on this Earth. And whoever you may be… I love. Will you be my everything?
Less Than Three;
Rikki [is envy]