Your Best Skill Is Making Me Hate Myself

I don’t think I’ve ever loathed myself more than I do now. I feel useless and numb… actually I wish I was numb. Because then you wouldn’t scream at me everytime I cry. But you’re right, you always are. I’m just some three year old girl playing dress-up. Maybe I’ll be superwoman tomorrow. I wish I could burn my soul away; separate myself from everything and everyone. I’ve found that I don’t hate myself from comparing myself to everyone else (or at least not always), it’s more that I just hate every inch of my soul, mind, and body. I don’t want to feel this life smothering me anymore.

Is it possible to hate yourself to death? And I’m not talking about suicide. Because I’m too much of a wimp to just jump in front of a car. Truthfully, I hate that about me; why can’t I just stand in the middle of a car and wait until a car forgets to stop. Maybe I could just swallow a shitload of pills. I’d go to sleep and hopefully I’d wake up dead. Do you think I could get someone to say, “thank you for using your one-way ticket to hell”? What pills actually cause you to never wake up? Because I’m ready, I hate this life of mine. I fail at life. Maybe my only A+ is in dying, so let’s get this show on the road.

Erase me from everything. Kill me. You’d better forget me, I’m only worth the lowest level of hell. Bleed scarlet, or bleed out the pain. Are you writing love on your arms? Oh well, I’m writing “I hate myself” on my ankle. This is a chemical reaction to too many screams in a car with the one person I wish I could please. Will you be my hero? Can you save me from this six foot ditch? Bury me. This mental suicide in my imperfect smile does hide. I like to believe I’m special, but when the time comes… I’d never tell you I truthfully believed that. I’ll never be the person you want. I’m just the epitome of disappointment. Let me out of this cage that’s ripping out my throat. I stopped screaming a while ago. I’m not sure if I’m even worth saving anymore.

1 Word For Everything You Wanted Me To Be (The Triumph of Death)

Tragically despicable,
Is it enough to make you cry?
I’ve been crying everyday
I’m sick of always being alive.

Crush my confidence
Into shards of a time
You make me wish
That I was worth a dime

Sinfully dreadful
Beautifully Lost
There’s death in the air.

Through teary eyes
I can see you smiling
You’re always that extraordinary
And I always wish this didn’t sting

When my heart is numb
And I’m everything I’m not
Will you smile because of me
Forget that this I once fought

Sinfully dreadful
Beautifully Lost
There’s death in the air.

I can taste it
I can breathe in the toxic
I’m gone, once and for all
Now you can find your perfect.

Less Than Three;
Rikki [lost herself somewhere in the palm of your hand]

Your Best Skill Is Making Me Hate Myself

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