One more day of late nights and late mornings, if noon counts as morning. I’m not ready to abandon you. If you could steal one person in the world’s voice, whose would you take? And I’m not speaking figuratively when I use the word “voice”. Is it weird that I would take Brendon’s from Panic! At The Disco? I know, taking a male voice: the ultimate bad decision. But I just can’t hate his singing voice. It’s like addiction in the form of sound waves. Yeah, I’m just obsessed with his voice at the moment.
Anyway, to whatever audience I have… how doth your day be? I know, I know that was probably the worst attempt at speaking Shakespearean… but no one’s going to reply any way, right? I highly doubt anyone actually reads my blog and if they do they must have feedback-phobia.
I’ve finally made a decision about my love-ly predicament. I’m so used to being completely head over heels for some random guy that’s never going to feel the same that when I’m finally out of love… I’m trying to force my mind back into love. It’s stupid and completely idiotic, but it’s true. I’m a masochist of the heart, chasing whatever could hurt me the most. Well, I’m done with that. I’m tired of tears and of broken hearts. I give up on love, I’m done with it. True love is the image we paint in our eyes to make ourselves happy. No one loves someone, not for 19 years, not for 1 year. I’m sick of pretending love is something we all find. It’s a lie; a blatant lie and I’m not buying it anymore.
I don’t believe in love… but I’m not really sure if I want to.
God, I can’t stop lying to myself. I keep believing that putting those words in writing will just make me believe. Without love, returned or one-sided, I just feel gray. Nothing has a meaning, I really am a masochist of the heart. I’m clinging onto somehing that’s never going to do the same to me. You were all I have and now I wish I still believed in you. I feel more alone when I know you don’t love me and I don’t love you either. Someone, find me someone to love. Quick! I don’t know if I can survive through this emptyness.
Less Than Three;
Rikki [runs to the end of rainbows]