I wish with all my heart that I could be you. Could we all swap bodies, maybe just for a day? Like a game of musical chairs, changing lives and faces is the game, but who’s the winner when all our lives are ruined. I’m on pills that are supposed to lessen this stinging, but I’m on the verge of black. Red eyes, gray lives. We’re all coded to be happy. Why don’t you fix everything that’s wrong? Delete me like another useless forgetful fill-in. I’m not the one you wanted.
“When everything is lonely I can be my best friend.”
– Conor Oberst.
No one wants to be my friend. I’m the neglected reject that tries convincing herself that smiles make her look alright. I’ve got a dirty face and possibly a dirtier mouth. One day you’ll be quoting me in all your journals, telling yourselves that I’m so cool. One day I’ll make it; even if I fall trying. There was once a fight that changed my life. There was once a person I passed on the street and I didn’t stop to say, “hi.”. What will change my life the most as I lay on my dying bed? I’m sorry I never thought of you as god. You are my god; you’re everything I wish I was, everything I believe in. I believe in you. You’ll be a good person one day.
“The best kids are the ones who are constantly overlooked. Speak up. Write it down. High school won’t go on forever. I promise.”
– Peter Wentz
I’m home, in my room that always understands. These black stained pillows that soaked up the tears that kept spilling. Is this person really me? Mirrors turned away one too many times. “Don’t look at me like you do.” CDs that always tell me what I want to hear. Music that is the one able to convince me, “it’s okay to be this screwed up.” Sing me something that makes me feel like heaven. Wrap your arms around me and comfort me like no person could. Confusion is what we breathe and awkward is what we feed on. Beauty is a million miles away, but ugly never felt so beautiful. My jaw hurts from saying the wrong thing too much and my fingers are swollen from writing too many lies. Liar, liar… at least we have something in common.
“I eat awkward for breakfast, lunch & dinner.”
– Shaant Hacikyan
“You wake up but not really. In the bedroom you grew up in. It’s the only place on this entire planet that is yours. The only place on the planet that understands you. It understands the way your nerves flare everytime you think about talking to anyone, scared into shyness at the thought of opening your mouth but the way you are the best hypocrite around when you’re in front of a microphone. It knows what turns that switch on and off and on again. It understands the way when you don’t have a smile on your face everyone only spits: ‘what’s wrong’s and ‘you look tired’s. So the way you keep it on your face just wide enough to avoid questions. It understands how neurotic you have become, the way you treat your flaws like old friends. The way you look in the mirror and think of yourself as ‘Mr. Misery’…” – Peter Wentz
I’m so tired of being me. Let’s switch for a little bit.
Less Than Three;
Rikki [likes to love you]