Life has calmed down a bit. It’s like the snow brings light and peace as it makes the world a snow cone. We made up and things are slowly becoming normal again. Although somehow, I feel like this is the worst time of my life. I’m smiling and laughing, but I feel like my mask may even be fooling myself. I feel out of place.
Acpella Club, which I’m in, is performing tomorrow. We’re just singing a Christmas song. I’ve been singing my heart out to you this whole week, yet you haven’t been on my mind. Six hours of sleep in a span of four days, maybe I’ve lost my sanity. Sleep lost its point to me; I must’ve gotten better at debating. But my eyelids are like the moon, switching around and making my brain pound with a headache. Are you aware of how much you confuse me?
I’ll be taking exams soon. Arabic should get ready for my lawsuit; the class is abusing. All I know is “Ah-in-dee al mush-mush”, meaning “I have the apricot.” Oh how impressive! My sister’s college acceptance letter should nearing its due date. I’m just not ready for Christmas. Summer used to be my backdrop, but then they spilt the white paint.
Mandarin oranges and a can of Diet Coke, I can only hope they’ll cure my doubts. I miss those late nights where I played my bass till four in the morning and slept the entire day. Those days where I spent hours just staring out my window. Hopes, they’re what I run on now. I hoped that this age would be my year, apparently my lucky number failed me.
The hospital bed ate your confidence, maybe if you started trying again you could get it to spit it out.
“Fed up with ‘made you look’
And dirty crooks without a clue.
They all wear the same face
And it says, ‘Hangman, I’m on to you’.”