I told someone the truth, but I’m still lost.
I’m found in between this heaven and hell of lies.
I’m that girl built of black and white.
The girl of contradictions, the girl I’d love you to hate.
Everyone’s just another shit talker these days.
She read this. Her. And I’m glad she did. I’m happy she understands me a little more than before. Yesterday, we had this talk where it all just spilled out. I talked to her about most of my overdramatized shit. Don’t worry, you’re still my main audience of none. I’m still my only therapist, unless you count the notes blaring out of my speakers or the words spewing from these hideous fingers.
I ran somewhere that I can’t even find.
Why do I still feel so secluded in these four walls? Didn’t I tell her all my secrets, or am I still pretending? I went to far. So far, where I’ve lost my own train of thought. Where I don’t know the location of the line; the line between lies and truth. I’m still singing this lie, though I know you’re not listening. I’m spewing out smiles without moving my lips. My fingers are melting my heart into ink.
I tried out for the solo part in A Cappella club. But this voice is just as ugly as this face and soul. I’m in the background as always. Trapped behind the smiles of my peers and my eyes. Can you look into these eyes and tell me how I feel? Because I don’t know who this face is anymore.
I lost you somewhere along the way.
You’re face was all that kept my heart beating. It was the blackness behind my eyelids. Then one day I closed my eyes, and I didn’t see you. All I saw was your lie. The mask of skin you put on for us. The mask of skin I put on for you. Every word we cursed afterwards, and every letter I erased. Do we have that much in common that we don’t know who the other is? I think we forgot what we were once. When mother was god, and relationships were an eternity away.
What happened to “when we grow older”?
“The last courtesy I give
Get the horses for your mistress
There is a cliff, with sky high peaks
Make your way to the very brim of it
Stop it from every showing
Repair the misery.”